My initial impression of Málaga — great, but not quite as great as València — held for the duration of my stay here from 9-15 May 2018. Here are my ratings, category by category, with some random observations thrown in.

• Rent: 3.9. The average monthly rent for a one-bedroom apartment in Málaga’s city center is, as of today (19 May 2018), $638.14. That makes Málaga slightly cheaper than València, but still places it among my more expensive destinations.
• Walkability: 8. Málaga is just about as walkable as València, with wide sidewalks along most roads and a scattering of pedestrian-only, or mostly pedestrian-only, streets in the city center. The old city is compact and, even more so than in València, the beach is within an easy walk of the center. I confirmed this by making 12 May my beach day. Malagueta Beach is just a short walk from the tourist sights, has showers (but not lockers, unfortunately), and is lined in many places with beachfront bars, cafés, and ice cream shops. The sand is so-so — coarse sand mixed with pebbly bits of sea-scoured rocks and shells. African men walk up and down the beach, peddling beer, soda, and water (a lot like the beer- and peanut-hawkers in U.S. baseball stadiums), so it’s easy to stay hydrated (or intoxicated, if that’s your goal). I can attest that the swimming is good, although in May, even the Mediterranean Sea is quite chilly. I couldn’t stay in the water long. And, most importantly, did I mention that Malagueta is a topless beach? That is a quaint European custom that I strongly encourage we adopt over on the other side of the Atlantic. I had to edit some boobs out of my beach video — I’m trying to keep this blog and my YouTube channel PG-rated here, but it’s hard to shoot video of Malagueta without nipples making an appearance. Best beach award goes to Málaga.
  

  Rick Steves devotes a mere two pages of his Spain guidebook to Málaga, mainly as a gateway to the beach resorts of the Costa del Sol, Spain’s Riviera. But this is a very respectable beach here, and, being a city mouse, I love its proximity to a major urban area (10 May 2018).

• Dating: 8. Spanish women are gorgeous, and that’s true even when their tops are still on. And the bottoms deserve praise, too. While the waists of women’s pants in the U.S. have been moving steadily upward since their absurd Britney Spears-era lows 15-20 years ago, they’ve got nothing on European waists. Women’s jeans here belt up at about armpit level. But, the great thing is, the bottoms of women’s pants have moved up as well as the tops. Some of the shorts and skirts the young women wear here show about half the buttocks. Again, applause.
• Food: 6. As in València, I blew my entire meal budget for the day once or twice on lunch at an outdoor table with a couple of drinks. Some restaurants and cafés here actually charge different rates for the exact same food depending on whether you’re sitting indoors or outside (restaurants in the very touristy center of Salamanca were the most transparent about this in my experience, but I’m pretty sure it happens at other scenic spots in Spain). For me, eating at outdoor tables is my single favorite European activity, so I’m willing to pay more for the privilege. Unfortunately, the extra cash doesn’t buy faster service. I think the term “waiter” in Spain should be applied to restaurant patrons, not servers. Service is glacially slow, but am I in a hurry, ever? No. On 13 May, I found a restaurant with (a) shady outdoor seating and (b) decent beer, and despite low walls blocking most of the people-watching, that four-beer, three-hour lunch was my favorite one in Málaga. Spanish beer tip: Most restaurants and cafés, and many bars, serve only one brand of beer, which is usually advertised on their umbrellas, napkin holders, or menus. San Miguel and Cruzcampo are cheap Budweiser-style swill. But if you find a place that serves Ambar, you’ve hit the beer jackpot. Ambar Export is only slightly more expensive than the cheap stuff, and it tastes just like Killian’s Irish Red. Finally, Europe-wide, supermarkets are cheap. Wine and beer in particular are stunningly inexpensive. I used to say there were only two cheap things for sale at Whole Foods Market in the States: (1) Bulk spices (which I notice Whole Foods has phased out over the past couple of years), and (2) the $3 bottles of “Three Wishes” wine. But here, you can choose from multiple brands of wine for less than $1.50, and I bought a four-pack of craft-quality beer here in Portugal yesterday for €2.99 ($3.56). I’ve decided I’m going to try to maintain a blood alcohol level above zero for my entire stay in Europe. So far, so good!
  

  Me enjoying my favorite meal (not ambience-wise, but food- and beverage-wise). A mouthful of paella and the first of four Ambar beers (13 May 2018).

  

  I finished this meal with three fartons (long glazed doughnut-like things) and the best cup of hot chocolate I’ve ever had in my life. It was so thick and sweet it was more like piping hot chocolate pudding than a liquid. All washed down with more Ambar beer, of course. Sadly, I often find that after a four-beer lunch, the rest of my day is kind of shot. This proved to be the case here. But did I have anything better to do? No, not really (13 May 2018).

• Ambience: 6. While Málaga’s small old city has ambience aplenty (see my previous post), it’s no match for València in this department. Plus Málaga has a kind of beach resort feel. A nice place to vacation in, but I’m not really looking for that vibe in a hometown.
  

  Don’t get me wrong. Málaga is gorgeous (13 May 2018).

• Transit: 7. Málaga has a subway system in addition to a comprehensive public bus system. The #14 bus whisked me from my hotel out in the ‘burbs to the city center practically every day in about 15-20 minutes. I dock Málaga a point because the subway doesn’t take you into the old city; it has only two lines, both of which terminate at the train station.
• Health care: 7.2. This is per Numbeo. Málaga scores significantly lower than València (8.1) and Taipei (8.5), but is still ahead of Washington, D.C. (6.1).
• Nature: 5. Málaga doesn’t have a city park on the scale of València’s gorgeous Jardin del Turia to enjoy manmade “nature.” But València is much flatter; Málaga is surrounded by hills that I bet have some hiking trails. And then of course there’s the hill that Gibralfaro Castle sits on, although that’s much too touristy to have any real nature left.
  

  Touristy or not, you can’t beat the view from Gibralfaro. And those hills in the distance ring the entire city. Hiking, anyone? (10 May 2018)

• Internet: 8. My hotel here had the fastest wi-fi of anyplace I’ve stayed so far. Which makes blogging and uploading photos and videos much less of a chore.
• Crime: 5.7.
• Language: 7. Again, Spanish is so easy! I’m in Portugal now (19 May), and man, I appreciate how easy it was to, say, read aloud from a menu in Spain! And unlike València, which is in Catalonia where a different dialect, Catalan, is also spoken, Málaga is in southern Andalucia, where it’s standard Spanish all the way. I give Málaga a half-point edge over València in this category just for that.
• Bikeability: 8. Málaga has an extensive network of bike lanes, as well as a bike-share system (which, lacking an EU ID number, I was unable to register for). It’s great for cyclists. Still, València deserves its higher rating (9) in this category because of the wonderful car-free Jardin del Turia with its miles-long bicycle paths.
  

  This brick-colored bike lane in suburban Málaga runs through the central median of the road, not unlike the much more scenic bike lane down Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C. (10 May 2018).

• Friendliness: 6. As seems to be general throughout the Iberian Peninsula, in urban neighborhoods you’ll see old-timers greeting each other and chatting in the street. In general, people seem to know their neighbors. As a stranger in this land, that doesn’t directly affect me, but still, people here seem more relaxed overall, and that makes it seem a more welcoming place than the northeastern United States.
  

  Unfortunately, the old-timers here smoke like chimneys, as do many of the young. I had to make this lunch, at a non-touristy restaurant near my hotel, a brief 90-minute affair or risk asphyxiation (11 May 2018).

• Pollution: 6.3. I don’t have data for Málaga, so I’m borrowing València’s rating here. My guess is that cigarettes, not motor vehicles, factories, or power plants, are the leading cause of air pollution in Spain.